A Drop in the Ocean

There was a point in my past in which I believed my thoughts and experiences didn’t hold the weight of value.

I saw myself as one more person among a crowd of people.

A drop in the ocean.

Difficult to point out from the vast sea of noise that seems to drown out individual uniqueness.

I figured that ultimately, there were more educated minds figuring things out in the world and more creative ones telling the stories people wanted to hear. Why would anyone want to hear about what’s going on within me?

I’m not fully certain of the origin of such a belief system. However, I am fully certain of the consequences of such a mindset.

Perhaps the vast disconnection with myself that originated from very early in my childhood gave me the green light to sit back in the shadows. Perhaps the multiple number of insecurities built over time hidden behind confident facades conditioned me to feel comfortable watching from the sidelines. Watching as others took the leaps of faith or got out from under their comfort zones.

Nonetheless, for a long time I was completely accepting of being passive.

Hidden.

In solitude.

I called it going with the flow.

Keeping to myself.

Besides a close circle of friends and family who I showed more of myself to, I preferred being on my own. And I didn’t know why.

In my mid-twenties, I chose to move away from the city I grew up in. Away from those family members and friends. In hopes of making a name for myself. Or at least, that’s what I thought I was doing.

I know now that it was never about that. In my own way, I was subconsciously desperate for a connection with myself. And I set out on an adventure, unknowingly, to test my limits and remove myself completely from what was keeping me comfortable.

What I would find out in the wilderness of being completely alone sharpened me towards being the individual I am today.

Despite the challenges.

Or better yet, because of them.

As I think back, my tolerance for disengagement and lack of expression was a risky game I involved myself in.

If I could say one thing to that younger version of me today, it would be that it isn’t the world who is interested in what you have to say.

It is simply you.

Your voice is deserving of speaking your truth and your experiences are uniquely one of a kind. Neither can be taken from you.

Understand your connection with you and you understand your connection with the world.

If my younger self was reading this now, I’d summarize it as: the truest impact you hold is innately already within you.

If I am a drop in the ocean, then I am in fact the ocean in a drop.

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